


Step Anxiety

by myglassballoon



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Grand Prix Final Banquet, M/M, angsty yuuri, being with Yuuri is stressful for poor Victor's emotions, wedding-related worries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-09
Updated: 2017-02-09
Packaged: 2018-09-23 03:58:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9639845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myglassballoon/pseuds/myglassballoon
Summary: Yuuri needs to talk to Victor about their engagement.(Victuuri Week Day 3: Dreams; Yuuri Prompt: Reassurance/Doubt)





	

“Victor, can I talk to you for a minute?” Yuuri had leaned forward, speaking in a quiet voice.

“Of course.” Victor allowed Yuuri to lead him from the large room in which this year’s post Final banquet was held. Yuuri had held up quite well so far considering the number of people who had come up to him, joking about stripper poles and drunk dancing. Chris, of course, had bemoaned the lack of a pole but Yuuri, his face fire truck red, had mumbled something about wanting to thank whoever was responsible for keeping the room pole-free. Victor was torn between disappointment at the lost prospect of Yuuri repeating last year’s performance, and the quiet happiness that had settled somewhere deep inside him. He found it hard to believe that only a year had passed since he had felt lost and frustrated in Sochi.

He followed Yuuri around a corner, the music from the banquet ebbing away. Yuuri stopped at what seemed to be a random spot in the middle of the corridor.

“What do you want to talk about?” Victor asked, trying not to sound worried. He had asked almost the exact same question just a few days previously. If Yuuri was going to want to end things again –

His thought process was suddenly interrupted by Yuuri slamming into him. Victor stumbled backwards against a wall. Before he could say a word or catch his breath, he felt Yuuri’s lips pressed to his. He belatedly closed his eyes, wrapped his arms around Yuuri, and kissed him back. He was surprised by the intensity of the kiss. It almost felt desperate, but this didn’t seem to be the time to question Yuuri’s motivation. All Victor could do was enjoy the moment. He let his hands glide up and down Yuuri’s back, then pulled him toward him, closing the small gap between them. Yuuri placed one hand on Victor’s cheek and, much too soon for Victor’s taste, ended the kiss. His eyes met Victor’s and Victor leaned forward to kiss him again, but Yuuri put his other hand on his chest and held him back.

He traced Victor’s cheekbones with his finger, stroked the hair away from his forehead, and let his finger glide down the length of his nose. He followed the bow of his lips, then suddenly stepped back, breaking through Victor’s embrace, leaving him standing against the wall alone. Victor watched, confused, as Yuuri went over to the opposite wall and sat down, leaning against it. He wanted to follow him, be close to him again, but something in the way he looked at him now told Victor not to.

He followed Yuuri’s example and sat down.

“We really need to talk,” Yuuri said.

Victor felt his stomach lurch, a sensation he was sure had nothing to do with the glass of champagne he had enjoyed earlier.  
”Yuuri – “

“No, just let me talk.”

Victor nodded. Yuuri took off his glasses, wiped them on his sleeve, put them back on.

“What’s going to happen now? What’s the plan? Do we have a plan? Are we _engaged_?”

Victor suppressed the urge to jump up and run over to Yuuri to take him into his arms. To him, everything was clear. Wasn’t it clear to Yuuri? He pressed the palms of his hands to the floor to remind himself to stay put.

“We’re going to skate. Together. I’ll still be your coach and Yakov will be my coach. And why do you ask if we’re engaged?”

Yuuri looked sceptical. “You realise that I’ll have to move to Russia for that to work out.”

Victor swallowed. “I suppose that is true. Do you not want to move to Russia? If you don’t want to, I’ll move to Japan and find another coach.”

“You would do that?”

“In a heartbeat. Yuuri, I’d follow you anywhere.”

He saw Yuuri’s face soften into a smile.

“No, it’s alright. I’ll come to Russia with you. It makes more sense.”

“And you’ll marry me, right?”

Silence.

“Yuuri?”

Yuuri was staring at his knees. His hands were balled into fists at his sides.

“Yuuri?!”

“I don’t know,” he mumbled.

“Oh.” Victor felt tears shoot to his eyes but fought them back. “Why?” he asked, struggling to keep his voice even.

“It’s so much. I don’t know if I can.” Yuuri still wasn’t looking at him.

“Don’t you like me, Yuuri?” Victor could hear the desperation in his own voice.

“I do. You know I do. But marriage? It’s such a big thing.”

“You put that ring on my finger. And I put one on yours.”

“And then _you_ said they were engagement rings!”

Victor gave up fighting the tears. In big hot drops they cursed down his face.

“Look at me, Yuuri. What are you talking about? We were standing in front of a _church_. The receipt said _wedding rings_ , they cost several _hundred_ euros. Are you seriously kidding yourself? You didn’t give me that ring as a token of our _friendship_! Or do you give all your coaches rings? Should I go compare mine to Celestino’s?” He could barely control his voice. He yelled out the last few words and buried his face in his arms, now sobbing in earnest.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to make you cry!”

“Well, you’re damn good at it.”

For a moment no one said anything, then Victor felt Yuuri sitting down next to him, his hand on his knee. Having him next to him and smelling his scent just made Victor more aware of how hopelessly in love he was.

“Victor, I’m sorry. Sometimes I do things on impulse and then later, when my anxieties and all my shyness catch up with me I can’t believe what I’ve done and I want to take it all back. But actually, I don’t. I’m still so awkward and insecure most of the time that I can’t even let myself do what I really want to do. Do you understand?”

Victor shook his head.

“It’s like I jump two steps forward, then run three back because I’m so shocked by my own actions. I promise I’ll try to get better at this, but for now better get used to me being like this.”

“Are you breaking up with me or not? I’m confused.” Victor lifted his head in time to see Yuuri shake his.

“No. Of course not! I’m just overwhelmed by the idea of marrying you. I want to marry you. Do you know how hard it is for me to say that?”

“But why?”

“I think I’m kind of afraid of what I want. It’s not easy admitting that to myself. I’m scared of how much I want to be with you.” Yuuri blushed but did not break eye-contact. Victor took both Yuuri’s hands into his and held them to his chest.

“I’m sorry if I move too fast, Yuuri. I don’t ever want to scare you away. I know I said we’d get married once you win a gold medal but I don’t want that interfering with your skating. If you skate worse than you could because you’re not ready to get married I will have failed completely both as your coach and your fiancé. I would marry you tonight, but I can wait. We can put it off for a while. We can put it off for as long as you want.”

Yuuri smiled at him. “That sounds good. I’m sorry for making you cry. The next time I freak out like this just remember I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I’ll try. I should have brought the tissue box. Let me know next time, so I’ll have it ready.” Victor laughed and began to dry his eyes with the edge of his sleeve.

“Here, let me help you with that.” Yuuri gently wiped the tears off Victor’s face.

“How bad do I look?”

“Not too bad,” Yuuri lied, “but maybe we should wait a minute or two before we go back in, just to be sure.”

“Agreed. Can I just hold your hand while we wait?”

Yuuri took Victor’s hand, and Victor leaned against him. “I’ll need a drink when we go back,” he said.

“No problem,” Yuuri said, “maybe you should be the one to get drunk this year.”

“I think I should. You can show me the pictures later. Just make sure I don’t do anything too indecent.”

“Everyone would love it, though.”

“No, I think you pole-dancing should remain the most shocking thing in people’s memories. I might take off my shirt, but let’s keep it at that.”

“If you say so.”

“You can help me take off the rest when we get back to our room.”

“You’d better stop talking now if you don’t want me freaking out again.”

Victor smiled, raised his head and kissed Yuuri on the forehead. “Whatever you want, love.”

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
